Recently, I met with my thoracic surgeon to discuss surgery. So in my last operation in Sept., the surgeon only removed one of the two tumors because one was benign and it was very difficult to access at that time in addition that it was already a very long surgery(9 hours). 6 months later the biopsy of the remaining tumor is confirmed to be a sarcoma so that means more and more unpleasant treatments. At least it is operable because it was once thought that it might be too difficult to operate. At least the surgeon would try, that's what he said. 

So my surgeon discuss with me the procedure and the risks of the surgery. There are the standard risks like infection, blood loss and blah...blah.. other bigger risks included damage to the nerves of my right arm that might lead to loss of sensation and loss of some motor function. The problem is that there are a bundle of nerves and blood vessels in the area so my surgeon is going to ask a neuro-surgeon and vascular surgeon to be present to help him just in case they are needed. There is a nerve that lead to my right diaphragm and to other organs that might be damaged and I would probably not be able to exercise much afterward if that nerve need to be cut. So there's go my dream in becoming a baseball player... There is another nerve that affect my right eyes and pupil, not neccessary my eyesight but the depth of my pupil and eyelid is that one is damaged. Most of these risks are not really life threatning, and the doctor said that he is focusing in saving my life (meaning taking the freaking tumor out) and if those nerves need to be sacrified, he would have to cut it. They need to make arrangement with different doctors and reserve a op-room so they would let me know when I will have the surgery. Most likely in two weeks. It would be similar to the last surgery, estimated time about 5-6 hours long, possibly one night at the ICU and 6-7 days in the hospital. And probably 4-5 weeks to recover at home. 

I am a bit overwhelm but the news do not surprise me. It just add another procedure or treatment to my illness. It doesn't really change the outcome or the uncertainty surrounding the situation. I would still need radiation after surgery and possibly more chemo. I dont think the prognosis is much different than before and doctors still need to evaluate me one treatment at a time. So not a lot changed from before, it just more stress with the surgery. I guess my framework and views of my illness are progressing how my mind is allowing me to. The only part that I dread about surgery is the recovery time. I am a bit scared about the surgery itself, but after 3 surgeries, one major one and two minor ones last fall, I kind of expect that I willn't die from surgery. I worry more about the possible risks and effects due to the surgery and being sick than dying. Just thinking about the nights in the hospital, the pain that I have to succumber, andakk other unpleasant feelings and experiences that I had, and by just thinking about it makes me a bit scared. Well, I have to chose the most aggresive approach for this because I still want to live. 

Few day later I met with my Medical oncologist today to discuss about possible chemotherapy after surgery and radiation. basically what he said was that it would depend on the result of surgery an radiation. If the surgeon is able to remove the rumors and most of the tissues out leaving a small margin and if radiation can cover a big area, then I might not need any more chemo for the new site. Is not really new information, but is always good to hear it again with the doctors and that they are there to answer questions.